Finding Your True Self & Battling Internal Demons

If you don’t know who you are, and you need someone to tell you who you are, either you have a problem or you don’t care about yourself.  – Felix Chow

It ain’t easy being seventeen. Heck, on my birthday, I still felt sixteen. It’s as if nothing changed for me. As for accepting more responsibility, well, that hasn’t been coming to easy for me either. But, hey, I never said this was going to get any easier for me to handle. At seventeen, I’m still trying to battle my internal demons. I’ve been trying not to procrastinate. Unfortunately, that hasn’t been very successful. I’m delaying the things I’m supposed to be doing. My mom has been constantly hounding me, and it’s really gotten to the point where she and I have been equally as frustrated with each other and myself. The bottom line is I’m still trying to find myself. I want to make my parents happy, and I want to make myself happy. But the problem is commitment. Every time I’m upset with Mom and she’s upset with me, in the  end I know and accept that she’s right. But, the thing is the same thing is happening over and over again for me. Now the question is do I really care about my own future? Do I care about how well I’m taking care of myself  and handling life’s obstacles? I constantly whine about how life is challenging, and everything that I face is hard. But I just don’t want to quit. Of course, in that case, just keep doing what you need to do. That’s the other thing.

I know I have problems prioritizing. I’m addicted to NHL 12. I love writing these columns to satiate and entertain you guys, but… there’s like a whole list of things I want to do before my life ends. Sometimes, I think “Why can’t I do anything right???” The frustration continues to mount. I’m always afraid that as my life progresses and I acquire an occupation, I might not have all the time in the world to accomplish everything I want to accomplish. I want to carpe diem in every aspect of life that I can. I guess I forgot the one other thing that’s important. Take things one step at a time. You have more time in your life than you think. You wake up in the morning, go to work, earn your hard-earned paycheck and then you can do whatever you want, that is unless you’re planning to hold a multitude of occupations.

But, once again, I’m still trying to find myself. Am I that loving, caring individual that respect not only his friends, but his elders as well? Or was I raised to be that way, only to take the path of a rebellious teenager who throws fits all his early life because he’s never gotten what he’s wanted? Do I care enough about my future to not just talk the talk, but also walk the walk early in life, or am I just going to be a college drop-out with little to no work experience that eventually just gets rejected from almost every legit and legal business known to man and hangs out in the streets begging for money and a job? These are all questions that I ask myself when I feel I’m not working hard enough, to self-motivate. As the battle continues to rage within me, nothing in life is easy. So, might as well quit bitching, get used to it, and, for once, just do what you’re supposed to do.

One thought on “Finding Your True Self & Battling Internal Demons

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