Sorry, I haven’t posted in like three or four days. I’ve been busy with NHL 12 and prepping for my first paranormal investigation, which unfortunately didn’t turn out too well. Oh well, my next location will be at Winchester Mystery House. By the way, I have a new favorite song by Nickelback. It’s called “Rockstar”. Now, why is this my favorite song? It makes me feel like a gold digger from the Wild West. I mean, supposedly, if you have tons of money, you get rich and famous right? Well, that’s kind of the theme in this song. Anyway, sorry for digressing from the main event.
As I’ve mentioned before, the battle between what I know I have to do and what I want to do continues. In other words, if I want to do something that I’m really interested in, I have to get to it, and not procrastinate. The same can be said with daily life chores, such as washing the dishes. Now, obviously, if I don’t want my parents to boss me around because I’m tired of it, why don’t I just do what I’m supposed to do without being told it? Well, supposedly, the idea of not wanting your parents to boss you around eventually leads you to do whatever it is you want to do without your parents’ consent. But, at some point in your life if you think about it, you’ve got to be your own boss. I mean, you want your house to be clean and everything to be organized when guests visit right? You also would like to keep your paychecks rolling. Well, that ain’t going to if you continue procrastinating. And that’s the one thing I’m still having trouble dealing with. Hell, I still feel too lenient. In fact, I feel so damn lenient that I don’t even feel like I’m qualified to be my own boss. So what? Am I going to have my mom boss me around all my life? As sad as that sounds, if I don’t change my ways, that might be the case. You see, such simple sounding things shouldn’t be that hard to accomplish. But because we already deal with enough stress in our lives, we just want to relax and not have to worry about the everyday stresses of life.
Now, if you’re sitting in your chair reading this right now and thinking,”Why is this guy being such a hypocrite?” Okay, I’ll admit. I do feel like a hypocrite giving good and inspirational advice to you guys and not actually taking action myself. It’s like Hamlet, even though he doesn’t give advice to people. But the point is, at least from what I’ve read so far, he’s told his plan two times on avenging his father’s death by killing his uncle, King Claudius, when he hasn’t done a thing to Claudius so far. The last time I read that he said he should really start “walking the walk” instead of talking the talk was when he was informed that Fortinbras commanded his men to reclaim land that his father lost. Now as you can probably imagine, this is by brute force. Fortinbras felt that fighting to reclaim the land would be most honorable to his father, so when Hamlet sees what Fortinbras is up to, he basically says that Fortinbras is willing to sacrifice as many men as he has to for some worthless land in his father’s honor, yet Young Hamlet himself hasn’t even sacrificed his own life to fight against his father’s murderer. If you don’t get the connection, what I’m basically trying to say is that even though I’m giving tons of inspirational advice, I haven’t really done anything myself to change my habits. Therefore, I’m still a lazy ass person.
I mean, really, it’s hard to break bad habits. And even harder to commit to the good ones. However, as I think about it, it’s kind of ironic how you’re still committing to something even though you don’t feel like you’re trying very hard. So, how can it be harder to be dedicated to good habits yourself without having your parents constantly nagging at you about it? All you have to do is transfer that same amount of dedication to being lazy and other stuff to not procrastinating and actually doing something about your situations instead of just complaining. Well, I guess because it doesn’t take much to sit in your office chair or on the couch thinking about it, it doesn’t take much to be lazy. But still! There’s still lots of work to be done. Sitting on a chair doesn’t get squat done. I mean, seriously, when it comes time when my parents are gone and it’s just myself or myself and my significant other trying to raise a family, you think she’s going to like bossing me around constantly? Or if it’s just myself playing games all day, do you think visitors would like seeing a disorganized pile of crap everywhere they look? No, that’s just messy and disgusting. Would I think the visitors would like it? No. But then, I guess the question comes down to whether or not I would care. Even if I don’t want to do it, I might as well do it anyway.
However, there are exceptions to doing what your mom or your dad tell you to do whether you like it or not. Last week, I got into my first argument with my mom about how to tie my shoelaces. I know! Ridiculous right? She’s basically saying how, like, I shouldn’t be tying tight double knots and I should be tying loose knots like she showed me. Okay, first of all, no matter times you show me how to do it, I won’t be able to remember it. And if I don’t remember, obviously I have to study very closely at how she does it. But really, it doesn’t make a single difference how you tie your shoes. Okay, maybe her’s is faster. But still, it’s not like you’re going to get shot in the foot or stab yourself in the foot and you have to quickly take off your shoes to heal the wound. I mean, of course anything can happen. But that’s just very unlikely, which is why I think it’s ridiculous that she even had to bring that up, much less me having to argue about it with her.
But most of time, I have to find a way to be independent myself and take responsibility over things instead of always having to rely on her. Now this morning, I actually had a really powerful dream of me having to chase my mom on these series of escalators at an airport. Okay, first of all, what place would have like five or so escalators going up? Anyway, as I tried my hardest to catch with her, with each escalator she seemed to be getting more and more distant from me. Then finally, I knew I wouldn’t be able to catch up to her and I felt myself feeling down and saying faintly “Mom….” My dad said it’s a sign of insecurity. And well, judging from everything that I’ve said, I do feel less and less dependent on myself now, even though I try to feel like I can handle things on my own. I guess I really do still have more dependence on my parents on doing things for me. However, my dad also said not to take dreams seriously has they don’t really represent anything. I don’t know about that… but anyway… I really hope things get better for me as I am indeed growing older and (hopefully) smarter and more mature.