With my grandmother recovering from pneumonia and my mother being impaired I believe on the back or the legs and the stress of daily life affecting her cardiovascular system, she once again reminded me today of how cruel reality is and how I have to deal with it. Despite both of us getting frustrated, we both agreed on one thing. I’m eventually going to be the one in charge of the residence. To me, it’s a scary thought and will forever be something that I refuse to accept. I think back to the days when my mom would spoon-feed me. I would, for the most part, get what I wanted without really having to do much work.
As the end of my high school career approaches, reality starts to sink in even further. I feel myself continuously in denial though. I refuse to believe that the one person, the main person in my life is basically impaired and cannot cook for me, nor do much of anything else without having to deal with her physically disabilities. Yes, I know it may seem quite a bit selfish for me to say that she’s basically doing all this crap for me and I really haven’t done stuff for her. In fact, there have been times when she’s made me feel unappreciative of life; for example, the fact that (because she basically implied I’m worthless) I didn’t even deserve to listen to my iPod, or use my computer or watch T.V. But at the same time, I felt unwilling, unwilling to accept the task before me, and unwilling to work my ass off. In fact I’ll go even further as to tell you I thought “She expects me to exceed limits? If she thinks I’m [expletive] worthless, then [expletive] it. I’m not going to take care of her [expletive] garden. I don’t care how much she spent on this [expletive]. If it all rots, oh well.” Yes, that is truly how I felt.
I remember having written and posted an earlier blog column (during the more active times) titled “Teenagers vs. Parents”. I remember giving the advice of listening to your parents no matter how much you get frustrated against them. Well, I’ve also admitted that I have demons to conquer. Even I tend to rebel against my own tips. That’s just life. That’s the average teen dealing with the stress and not wanting to deal with this crap. But as we all know, it’s inevitable. But from this point onwards, it’s time for me to accept the challenges that await me. It’s time to accept that the people most important in my life are going to be gone from Earth and into the Heavens. It’s time for reality to sink in.